Archive for December, 2009
Posted on December 30, 2009 - by Jennifer
30 Day Meditation Challenge: Day 24
Tuesday December 29, 2009: Again I sat for meditation in the late evening. I’d taught a rather large yoga class which was a lot of fun but kind of depleted my energy. Once home, my husband and I cooked and ate and I was so tempted to just sink down deeper into those couch pillows…mmmm….but I summoned my will and headed for my meditation pillow instead. I didn’t have high hopes as I sat down and it took a few minutes to settle in. Almost immediately, my focus shifted to the class I had taught earlier in the evening and a question that a student had asked about a particular pose. I had answered her question at the time but wasn’t fully satisfied with my answer. So, as I sat there, I began to consider what a better response might have been. And then, following that train of thought, I began to plan a future yoga class that might help to clarify some aspects of the pose for my students. I considered trying to direct my attention to my breath or a mantra instead of this class plan but I was advised once by someone I trust that sometimes it’s a good thing to follow the thoughts that arise in meditation. So, I went with it for a while. And then, my mind kind of finished with that thought pattern and I was able to turn some attention to my body and breath. When I did, I noticed a sensation similar to the previous evening’s meditation. Energy was gently coursing up the front of my body and to the crown of my head where it seemed to kind of spill out. I watched this for a while and then noticed that the energy shifted. My heart seemed to become the sort of energetic center of the flow and energy seemed to spill out from my heart center and back down towards the base of my spine. It felt really good and soothing and I sat for quiet a while just enjoying that flow. When I finished, although still tired, I felt refreshed.
Posted on December 30, 2009 - by Jennifer
30 Day Meditation Challenge: Day 23
Monday December 28, 2009: I sat for meditation in the late evening. When I sat down and settled in, something in me resisted the idea of jumping right to a specific chakra meditation technique or mantra. So, I just sat. Without forcing or guiding my energy in any way, I could feel it begin to radiate upwards. It felt like it was traveling up the front of my body and spilling out like a fountain at the crown of my head. After a while, I felt a shift and the energy seemed to be concentrated at my heart center. Again, like a fountain, the energy seemed to rise up to my heart and then spill out and down like water. Earlier in the evening, I had taken the metro. Usually I have my iPod on and I’m kind of tuned out to the announcements on the train. But, I was making some notes about the yoga class I was going to teach so I didn’t have my headphones on. As the train pulled into the station, I could hear the train operator announcing the station. And then, in this great sort of warm, rich voice he said, ” Watch your step as you exit and remember, be patient, be courteous, be safe”. As I exited the train and moved into the rush of people, I kept thinking about his “mantra”. And as I rushed (impatiently) to get to my martial arts studio, I mentally repeated the words so I could remember them. After martial arts, I taught yoga and instead of ending with namaste, I shared the story of the train operator with my students and ended with his mantra. As I sat there in meditation, the train operators words returned to me. I sat for a long time with a calm body and a mind empty of everything except those words – “Be patient, be courteous, be safe”.
Posted on December 29, 2009 - by Jennifer
30 Day Meditation Challenge: Day 22
Sunday December 27, 2009: I was looking forward to a mellow Sunday. I taught yoga mid-day, had a post-class coffee with a few friends, and then headed back home for a break before teaching a second yoga class. My plan was to meditate during that break. Plans changed when I was involved in a minor car accident on the way home. Neither myself or the other driver were physically harmed but both cars sustained damage and myself and the other driver had differing accounts of what caused the accident. We spoke briefly and pretty calmly, under the circumstances, but it was clear that we did not agree on who caused the accident and there were no witnesses to corroborate either story. I was shaken and frustrated. I phoned my husband to let him know what had happened and to discuss what steps needed to be taken so that I could be sure I was doing all the right things. I became quite focused and “in the moment”- phoning 911, assuring a passing fire truck that we were okay, making sure my registration and insurance information were easily accessible for when the officers arrived, and speaking with the officers who came to the scene to be sure I had everything I needed for my insurance company. Since the car was drivable, I then drove home. But, once I reached home, the calm detachment gave way to all the confusion, fear, anger, indignation, and self-doubt I had been keeping at bay. I repeated the details of the accident to my husband. Then I repeated them again for the insurance agent. And, when not explaining what had happened to someone else, I was replaying the incident over and over in my head. There was the “what if” loop: What if I had gone for a walk in Rock Creek Park with my friend after our coffee instead of going right to my car? I had left a scarf at the yoga studio and stopped to retrieve it on my way back to the car. What if it had taken me 30 seconds longer to locate the scarf? What if I had fiddled with the car radio for a minute before pulling out of my parking space? And there was the “what exactly happened” loop: In the seconds after impact, I confidently asserted my version of events. But, the other driver had his own version. There had to be a right answer, an objective truth? I also realized that I had to get back to the yoga studio to teach the second class. And that I was now without a car. My husband and I set out for the metro and I could barely speak. But, when we got to the studio, I had to jolt myself back into the present. It was actually enormously helpful to teach that class. It gave me a task I had to focus on. Despite my unease, I had to make my students feel safe and comfortable. The sequences I was teaching were particularly playful and energetic so I had to embody that energy for a while. Some of the tension left me. I was able to eat dinner with my husband and make conversation. But, when we returned home and I sat for meditation, my mind hit the “play” button again and all the anxiety returned. I could not sit there quietly and think of anything else. In spite of my stillness, my heart rate was elevated. So, I decided that my goal had to be simply to calm my body down as much as I could, to sort of “rest” my nervous system. I thought it might be helpful to replace the repetition of the accident with the repetition of a mantra so I chanted the bija mantra. Although I could not really push the accident completely out of my mind, I was able to push it from the forefront. The act of chanting did soothe me and I felt my heart rate slow. Like teaching yoga immediately after the accident, meditating forced me to be aware of what was happening in my body and mind, to acknowledge why, to acknowledge that it would eventually pass, and to separate myself from it to some small degree. It was meditation as respite and I was grateful for it.
Posted on December 28, 2009 - by Jennifer
30 Day Meditation Challenge: Day 21
Saturday December 26, 2009: I sat for Saturday’s meditation following a Yin Yoga practice and used the bija mantra. In spite of a calm, quiet house and a calm, quiet body, my mind was in no mood to settle down. As I chanted the mantras and moved the energy up my spine, I found that I was replaying a conflict I had with someone several months ago. I was considering if and how I might approach her and whether she would respond. In my investigation of chakra meditation, I have read that part of the process is purifying each chakra. As I understand it, we store a lot of our mental and emotional baggage in each of our chakras and, as we meditate on the chakras, we are forced to sort of unpack that baggage and face it in ways that can be really challenging to our egos. In order to achieve bliss, it seems, we have to recognize the ways that we think and behave that prevent us from understanding our true nature and the true nature of the world around us. Part of this work is looking deep enough within to recognize those patterns so we can do the difficult work of changing our behavior. In previous meditations, while I have occasionally been distracted by passing thoughts or mental “to do” lists, I have not really found myself considering past actions. So, I stayed with my internal investigation of this conflict and just let it play out during the meditation. Part of that involved composing an email to her in my head that involved an apology and an explanation. Eventually, I decided to try to shift my focus by coming back to the bija mantra. Using the mantra, I was able to navigate away from my thoughts of this person and our conflict and back to an awareness of my body and the energy flowing through it. When I finished the meditation, I felt fairly calm and I did not return to my thoughts of this person and our difficulties. But, thinking back on it now, I realize that my train of thought during meditation was geared more towards how I might “fix” things with this person. While I did consider things I might have done at the time to prevent the conflict from developing at all, I was more stuck on how I might change this person’s opinion of me now. So, my desire to resolve the conflict is more ego-driven than selfless. I want her to like me and to think well of me. I want us to interact in a way that is more pleasant and less stressful for me. From a yogic perspective, a more helpful approach might be to forget this person’s opinion of me and instead ask myself, “Do I continue to do the same things that led to this past conflict and, if so, how can I change the way I think or act in these situations?” I miss the beginning of this meditation challenge when it was all cool sensations and pretty colors. Digging this deep can make you feel kind of small and hopelessly mired in bad habits.
Posted on December 26, 2009 - by Jennifer
30 Day Meditation Challenge: Day 20
Friday December 25, 2009: I woke up on December 25th tired and with house guests and the aftermath of our huge Christmas Eve dinner to clean up. But, I also woke up with a huge sense of relief that, in a few short hours, we would officially be done as chefs, decorators, and hosts! After several hours of clean-up, my husband and I took to the couch and stayed there for most of the day for a marathon of mediocre television. Our Christmas Day is usually quiet but it’s a tradition that we all watch a movie together as a family. We got the call from my dad at about 5pm saying we needed to suck it up, get off the couch, and come watch Tarentino’s “Inglorious Basterds”. I figured that, given my options, it was better to meditate pre-Tarentino! After a massive Christmas Eve meal and a day of inertia, I decided I needed to use the ham sa mantra to try to shift out of my lower chakras. The flow of energy was subtle but steady and I could feel a gentle wave rising up towards the crown of my head. After feeling so rooted and grounded all day, it was nice to feel a little bit more expansive. I think overall this third week of meditation has taught me more about the discipline of the practice and coming to meditate even when you don’t feel as if you have much to give. What I’ve found is a comfort in the ritual. As I do it more, I worry less about the “success” of each meditation.
Posted on December 26, 2009 - by Jennifer
30 Day Meditation Challenge: Day 19
Thursday December 24, 2009: When I started this challenge, I thought the hard part would be continuing to meditate as the holidays got closer and things got more and more hectic. And while a few days it has taken some mental discipline to park myself on that meditation pillow and get to work, these past few days I’ve found it harder to make time to write about my mediation experiences. So, I’m catching up today with my meditations on December 24 and 25. On December 24, I meditated as soon as I woke up because I knew the rest of the day would be crazy and I hoped the meditation might set a tone! I did a short yoga practice first and then sat for meditation. I decided to use the ham sa mantra because I felt like I needed to raise my energy level. We had been up late the night before preparing food for our big family holiday celebration on the evening of the 24th (it’s an Italian tradition) and we had a long day of cooking, decorating, and welcoming guests before us. My mind was full of “mental checklists” for everything from setting the table to finding sushi grade tuna. So, needless to say, it was a bit of a challenge to clear my head. In fact, I think it’s fair to say that my head did not exactly “clear”. What I was able to manage was to turn the volume down to a dull roar. And if some days meditation just allows you to take a few deep breaths and turn off some of the voices in your head, perhaps that’s a success? I was able to step outside of the swift moving current of the moment and to slow down a little inside. I wish I could say that, thanks to over 2 straight weeks of meditation, I never lost my cool that day and I was always in harmony with my surroundings. But, I’d be lying 
What I can say is that I was a little more aware of the shifts in my mind and my body when I did start to get frustrated or anxious and that awareness is perhaps a step towards not getting so caught up in these emotions?
Posted on December 24, 2009 - by Jennifer
30 Day Meditation Challenge: Day 18
Wednesday December 23, 2009: I think I’m now in the thick of the “challenge” part of the meditation challenge. When I decided to meditate for 30 straight days including Christmas and New Year’s, I knew it was going to be difficult. I knew that as we started cooking for 16 guests on December 23 and prepared to host those guests on December 24th, it was going to get harder to say, “Hey, I know there are 8 leeks and 6 onions and 4 heads of cauliflower and 2 butternut squashes to be chopped and some sushi-grade tuna to be located BUT I’ve got to go meditate.” It’s one thing to know that something is going to be hard and another to experience it! Yesterday was the first day that it really, truly crossed my mind to just skip the meditation. What difference would one day make? It was really late and I was tired and anxious about all that had to be done the next day. And I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus completely. But, I convinced myself to sit down, and wrap myself in my meditation shawl, and at least try. I could feel myself sort of calm down, at least physically. My mind became steadier but by that I mean it went from arranging and re-arranging 50 things in my head down to about 10 things. I half-heartedly tried to use a mantra but it was not really helping me to focus. So, I decided to try something more simple. I just concentrated, very deliberately, on the rise and fall of my belly. And then I started to exaggerate each inhale, really pushing my belly out, and exhale, sharply drawing my belly button back towards my spine. As I did this, I was either creating or sensing waves of energy at my belly and for some reason my mind was able to let go of all its “projects” for a few minutes and just follow this sensation. After I finished, I got ready for bed. Before the meditation, I was concerned that sleep might not come easy. But, I think the meditation did have a tranquilizing effect as I was able to fall asleep.
Posted on December 24, 2009 - by Jennifer
30 Day Meditation Challenge: Day 17
Tuesday December 22, 2009: I”m from a southern italian family and we celebrate the birth of Jesus with a big fish dinner on the eve of his birth. My husband grew up in India and his family is Hindu so no Jesus and no fish! This year is the first year my husband and I are hosting Christmas Eve dinner at our house with his family and mine plus friends. We have designed a menu that honors both vegetarians and non while adhering to the italian tradition (superstition?) that there must be an odd number of fishes. His family (sister, brother-in-law, niece, mother, father) are staying with us. So, in the days leading up to this event, things have been a little chaotic. And chaotic is how I would describe my mental state during this meditation. I really couldn’t focus my mind at all. It was leaping from laundering sheets to sea scallops recipes. It was calculating how many forks, knives, and spoons we own. It was, in short, doing everything but focusing on chakras! I tried to use the so ham mantra to settle things down but it just wasn’t happening. I did experience a certain comfort from the ritual. After 16 days, I think my body and mind have come to appreciate the 20 minutes of “quiet time”, the opportunity to be still.
Posted on December 23, 2009 - by Jennifer
30 Day Meditation Challenge: Day 16
Monday December 21, 2009: Today I meditated in the early evening using the bija mantra. For anyone unfamiliar with the bija mantra, it involves chanting a mantra or sound for each of the chakras and the sounds are Lam, Vam, Ram, Yam, Ham, Om . The sounds, when chanted, create a vibration at their corresponding chakra which helps guide your awareness to the chakra. I started from the muladhara chakra at the base of the spine and worked upward to the sahasrara chakra at the crown of the head. I paused at the crown and then moved the energy back down my spine. But, I was struggling a bit both mentally and physically. I couldn’t quite settle in fully and my concentration wasn’t great. For the first time in these 16 days, my mid-back actually became sore and the pain was distracting. I fidgeted a bit and almost gave up on the meditation. But, then I decided to start again at the muladhara chakra and try to move the energy back up my spine, this time with greater focus. I figured that if I really concentrated my whole being on the chanting, it might help me forget the sensation in my back. As I started to chant again, beginning with Lam, I was able to shift my awareness away from the pain in my back. I tried to really dive into the physical vibration produced by each sound. When I reached the the crown of my head, I actually experienced something new. For the first time, I could feel the energy ascending and descending, simultaneously! It is often said that the goal of chakra meditation is to unite the cosmic energy that lies coiled at the base of the spine (Shakti) with the energy of pure consciousness that resides above the crown of the head (Shiva). Once these are united, it is said, we can achieve true bliss. In my present state, I experience pure bliss as ripe tomatoes in the summer picked when they are still warm from the sun, the final surge of energy at the end of a long run that carries you up the last hill, or the kind of laughter that shakes you down to your toes. But, those waves of energy I felt rising and falling in my own body were pretty cool too!
Posted on December 21, 2009 - by Jennifer
30 Day Meditation Challenge: Day 15
Sunday December 20, 2009: So, as of yesterday, I am halfway through the challenge! I had the pleasure of meditating yesterday at what I’ve realized is the perfect time to be in my home yoga studio. Right around 1pm or so, the sun shines through the single window in the room and right on to my yoga mat. Outside my backyard is blanketed with about two feet of snow, dumped by a mighty winter storm. But, I sat in that beam of light and meditated with the sun warming my face. I chanted the Bija mantra, moving the energy up my spine. When I reached the chakras at my throat and point between my brows, I began to feel a fairly strong pulse of energy up moving up towards the crown of my head. Although my body was calm and my mind fairly steady, my heart also seemed to beat faster. At first this rising pulsation was very strong. Similar to the previous day, the energy seemed like it was trying to pass through the crown of my head and keep going. But, as I sat longer, it ebbed away to a more gentle wave. My heart, however, still seemed to beat faster and harder even though I was completely still. I’m not sure if this was a true (I couldn’t really take my pulse as I meditated!) or a sensation brought on by the meditation? I did not in any way feel physically agitated or uncomfortable and I did not experience any fear or anxiety. Yet, I definitely had this strong sensation at my heart.
